Mindful Parenting (Reading Excerpt)
Mindful Parenting: Raising Calm, Confident Kids
Reading Excerpts
Excerpt 1: The Gateway Skill
From Chapter 1: The First Rule: Observe Without Judgment
Observation Over Evaluation
The gateway skill to mindful parenting is observing without judgment. We often believe we are observing, but what we are actually doing is evaluating the child through the lens of our own fears or exhaustion.
- Judgmental Thought: “She is being deliberately difficult because she knows I’m tired.” (This triggers parental defensiveness).
- Mindful Observation: “She is crying, her voice is high-pitched, and she is hitting the sofa cushion. She seems very dysregulated and angry.”
The core practice here is to replace evaluative labels (like “spoiled,” “naughty,” or “manipulative”) with sensory descriptions, what you see, hear, and feel in your own body. This creates the essential “pause” needed to choose a wise response over an impulsive reaction.
Excerpt 2: The Art of Truly Listening
From Chapter 2: Mindful Communication
Active Listening: Giving Your Full Presence
The biggest obstacle to communication isn’t a lack of love, but a lack of presence. We’ve all conditioned ourselves to listen in fragments, while loading the dishwasher or scrolling. When your child shares a thought, they’re often getting only a fraction of your attention.
The Ritual of Full Attention:
- Drop the Device: Pause. Put the phone face down, even if just for thirty seconds.
- Get to Their Level: Squat down or sit so you are looking at them eye-to-eye. This simple physical act removes the power imbalance.
- Open Body Language: Uncross your arms and turn your body toward them.
When a child feels completely understood, their impulse to act out, resist, or defy drops dramatically.
Excerpt 3: Teaching, Not Punishing.
From Chapter 3: Positive Discipline Techniques
The Insider Distinction: Discipline vs. Punishment
Mindful parenting shifts discipline from being something you do to your child (punishment) to something you teach your child (guidance).
- Punishment focuses on the past behavior (“You broke the rule”) with the goal of inflicting discomfort to ensure compliance. It often severs the connection, leaving the child feeling rejected.
- Discipline (Mindful Guidance) focuses on future learning (“What skill do you need next time?”) with the goal of teaching self-control. The tone is respectful and firm.
Misbehavior usually results from a lack of skill (like emotional regulation) or an unmet need. By seeking to understand before correcting, you replace punitive reactions with instructional responses.
Excerpt 4: Managing the Digital Home
From Chapter 5: Daily Routines and Rituals
Screen Time Management: Digital Balance
In the modern age, screen time is the biggest threat to mindful presence. The digital world is designed to hook attention and reduce the capacity for deep connection.
Modeling is the Master Key: The most important rule is that parental use of technology sets the standard. If you are constantly defaulting to your phone during mealtimes, any rule you place on your child will be seen as hypocritical.
The Mindful Handoff: The most conflict-prone moment is taking the screen away. Never let the turn-off command come as a surprise. Give a countdown warning. When the time comes, approach the child with empathy: “I know it’s frustrating to stop in the middle of a game, but our screen time is complete for the day.”
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